BAGNET

Bagnet is different, though. Bagnet is special.

A local delicacy from the Ilocos region, bagnet is to

lechon kawali as Cowboy Bebop is to Shin Chan. They���re

 both basically the same thing (anime and the cause of your

 future heart attack, respectively), but while one is still a

perfectly enjoyable show about a kid who flashes his peepee

 a lot pork dish, the other is a much more refined and realized

expression of their common characteristics.

Bagnet takes more effort to cook and prepare than lechon

 kawali. It requires longer and multiple dunks in hot oil in

 order to achieve the uniform crunch that makes it truly

authentic. The result is crisp porky heaven that���s so good,

 I���m willing to go against Internet groupthink and declare

 it better than (gasp!) bacon

The moment you take one bite of bagnet���s crackly skin,

 though, everyone stops caring about the weather, how

work was this morning, or Sammy���s latest attempt to ruin

 another franchise you love. You don���t need to talk, you

 don���t need to say anything at all. In fact, it���d be kind of

 impolite to speak when your mouth is full of bacon���s ethnic

 (and better tasting) cousin.

This one is a more recent development. With the way bagnet

 has become somewhat trendy in the last couple of years,

people have been experimenting by putting it into everything

 from traditional Filipino dishes (where they substitute the original

protein component with bagnet) to freaking pizza.  The amazing

 thing is that the combinations almost always work. I have yet

to find a bagnet-whatever that I hate. Even when the dish is bad,

 relatively speaking, it���s still pretty good.  Sometimes, I even order

kare-kareng bagnet and binagoongang bagnet and eat the two together,

just because I can.

It���s different with bagnet. Big, small, the mythical ���just right���

 that everyone aspires to be, it truly doesn���t matter. If you���ve

gained a few pounds, that just means you have more room

 to for future bagnet consumption. Petite to the point that

 you could pass for a pre-pubescent boy from the waist up?

That���s cool too. It just means you have a long and fulfilling

relationship with your crispy lover to look forward to.

Bagnet won���t cheat on you because, well, deep fried

 pork bellies don���t really date. Even if another person breaks

 off a piece to get a taste, that���s okay. That���s what you call

 sharing.  Bring anyone you want to the party, bagnet won���t

 mind the company. This way, no hearts will suffer even if

you make every day a cheat day. Emotionally that is, physically

 speaking you might want to start taking up jogging to stave off

 future cardiac arrest.

To be fair, inexpensive is a relative thing. There are a million

 and one things you can buy in the grocery that���s cheaper than

the hefty cut of pork you���d need for truly great bagnet. But

not comparing bagnet to other kinds of food, I���m comparing

it to your boyfriend.